All posts by vica

All will fall into place

February 17, 2015Contemplations, Discoveriesvica

I discovered today something I have written last September to good friends and colleagues of a group, I’ve been a part, after completing a big task:

The biggest lesson I learned here is to let the things ripe by themselves. To start with those you know how to do and what to do to fulfill them; and the other will fall into place, all by themselves.

What do you think?

Picture: I took this picture last December while bridging the time until I was to pick up my daughter from the intensive care ward and bring her to the room I was stationed at. I remember something close to the thought above coming then to my mind.

Taken care of by a small child – Part 3

February 11, 2015A mother's diaryvica

As for many fresh big brothers and sisters with their mothers and younger siblings, my pregnancy and Emma’s birth was a big change for Niklas. The larger my belly grew the more seldom Niklas wanted me to bring him in the evenings to bed. He preferred his father. And as I guessed that this could have to do with this big change, I promised him that I will do everything in my power to give him time and moments, which will remind him of how it was earlier. Just for him.

Upon this, he immediately asked, “Will you carry me then again?”

I realized then that carrying him in my arms was one of the most important comfort identifiers for him. I said, “Yes, I will. Maybe not as often as before, because you grow bigger every day, but I will carry and lift you at least time to time. I’ll surprise you. OK?”

He smiled and nodded.

So, two days ago, I suggested to carry him from his room upstairs to the living room.

“No, I’ll go by myself.”

Except he didn’t. He wrestled playfully with me, while I tickled him. After a few suggestions to go downstairs and explaining that Emma was there and without a baby-alarm we wouldn’t be able to hear her if she cried, Niklas still stayed in bed and played with his duvet. I realized that he didn’t want to walk the stairs. So again I suggested to carry him.

“Are you sure?” Niklas looked at me, his eyes fixed on me.

“Yes, the doctors allow it now and I feel well enough. I would like to try, if you are up to it,” I said.

“OK.”

“Piggy-back?”

“Yes.”

After a few steps, his sweet head appeared on my shoulder and Niklas tried to look into my face. “Mama, are you OK? Is it going well for you with carrying me?”

My heart melted. “Yes, sweetheart, it works very well. And for you?”

“Yes, for me too. And when I will become an adult and be big as Papa, I will carry you.”

Picture: A sequel to the picture posted two weeks ago. This picture was taken when Niklas noticed me taking pictures of him and Emma. The picture’s quality is not very good since I caught him in the act, but his smile was perfect and absolutely infectious. I had a big smile on my face behind the camera.

A surprising memory

February 3, 2015Memoriesvica

It occurred to me today that I haven’t shared my memories since October. So today I decided to look into old pictures and see which one and what it would prompt me to write.

I chose this one:

This picture was taken in 1980 or 1981 somewhere in the Algerian Sahara. The tent behind me belonged to a nomadic family making a stop there. There were several tents of this kind in this temporary village. Neither my mother nor I am sure where this was. My guess is that it was not far from Ghardaia, which is situated about 600 km further south from Algiers, the capital of Algeria, and more than 800 km toward south from Annaba, the city on the Mediterranean coast, where my parents and I spent three years from 1979 to 1982.

This nomadic family or community opened their homes to tourists, so we could take a look at their homes inside. They left wonderful memories of walls and floors covered with colourful carpets with intricate ornaments. I remember feeling at home there and not quite wanting to leave. Some of the tents were empty and in one there was a dog. This dog followed me outside and posed for the photograph above.

I always had respect for dogs and still do. I don’t think I was afraid of them, well, maybe of the really big ones, but I was always aware that they have their own will and I preferred to let them decide whether they liked me or not. I don’t know why but I thought that the latter was mostly the case.

But not for this dog. He (somehow I thought that it was a ‘him’, although I would never know) followed me everywhere we went around this nomadic village until we climbed into our car and left. I remember waving to him as we left. He didn’t chase our car. He just stood there and watched.

This last sight of him came up today when I looked at this long forgotten picture. What a sweet surprise to recall a friend whom I knew for just a very short while.

Moment by moment

January 27, 2015A mother's diary, Books I read, Favorite quotesvica

Today I finished reading a wonderful, inspiring, romantic, funny and very profound novel named “How to Fall in Love” by Cecilia Ahern (http://www.amazon.com/How-Fall-Love-Cecelia-Ahern-ebook/dp/B00CR41SD0/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1422392892&sr=1-3&keywords=cecelia+ahern).

I highly recommend it to both lovers of reading and writing.

Here are three quotes from this novel, which I would like to share:

The first two are quotations by other authors used in this book.

P. 207: “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt wit the heart.” Helen Keller

… “Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” Theodore Roosevelt

P. 412 (the final passage in the book): “… Life is a series of moments and moments are always changing, just like thoughts, negative and positive. And though it may be human nature to dwell, like many natural things it’s senseless, senseless to allow a single thought to inhabit a mind because thoughts are like guests or fair-weather friends. As soon as they arrive, they can leave, and even the ones that take a long time to emerge fully can disappear in an instant. Moments are precious; sometimes they linger and other times they’re fleeting, and yet so much could be done in them; you could change a mind, you could save a life and you could even fall in love.” Cecelia Ahern

Picture: A very precious moment in my daily life: Niklas taking care of his little sister in the early morning before heading with his Dad to kindergarten. He played a lullaby to Emma on a small music box in form of a little donkey. I heard the music playing and when I came to the living room, this is what I saw and my heart melted.

To iron or not to iron

January 20, 2015Books I writevica

My all time favourite in any novel or a short story are dialogues. I must admit I find it challenging to write a good dialogue without all the characters sounding like I do. But I am up for a challenge, and most probably because it is a challenge I simply love exercising writing dialogues. This might be one of the reasons why the descriptions in my books are very brief and most of the stories in them are revealed through dialogues.

The question then was how to find an individual voice for each character. I was excited when I found the following idea in the book “How to Write Dazzling Dialogue: The fastest Was to Improve Any Manuscript” by James Scott Bell on pages 40-41:

“One of my favorite exercises when planning a novel is the Voice Journal. This is a free-form document, stream of consciousness, in the character’s own voice.

How do I know what the character’s voice sounds like? I prompt them with questions and then let them talk. I do this fast, without thinking about it much. What I’m waiting for is the moment when the character starts talking to me in a voice I did not plan.

And it always happens. That’s the fun part, when the character starts to take on life for me.”

As I was contemplating about this idea and thinking what I could ask my characters about, the protagonist of my second book, which I am currently writing, started talking to me in my mind. The ideas just started pouring out.

But before sharing with you what we talked about let me introduce this character shortly to you. Hannah (by the way she thinks her name is Victoria) grew up in Moldova and like me she studied physics of semiconductors. She is about to travel to Germany connected to her work. The day before her appointment at German Embassy for getting a visa for her travel, she finds out from her father that she doesn’t need a visa, because besides being a Moldovan citizen, she is also a citizen of the United States. Because she was born there. And because her late mother was American. As you can imagine, from that moment, her life is literally upside down. This is the tentative title of the sequel I am starting with her. “A Life Upside Down”. And the sub-title of the first book is “A Spy’s Daughter”.

So, here is our dialogue as I recorded it after it materialized in my head. My thoughts and comments are in brackets.

Hannah = H: “She likes ironing. You must be kidding me!”

Vica (me) = V: “Pardon?”

H: “I read you blog post about ironing.” (/various-kinds-of-greed/)

V: “You did?”

H: “Well, through your head obviously.” (rolling imagined eyes)

V: “Ah, yes, sure.” (nod and shrug)

H (ignoring the irony in my voice): “So, explain it to me, how can you like ironing?”

V: “Well, it’s soothing; you can see how something crinkly becomes smooth and even; you see the result immediately. And …”

H (waving impatiently): “I know the physics of it. But how can it be soothing?”

V: “It can calm the wild thoughts, slow them down and bring you to the current moment of …”

H: “Oh no, not this awareness thing again!”

V: “Why not?”

H: “The only thing I am aware of, right now, is that my life is a mess. An extreme mess!” A pause. “As. You. Know.” (Accusing look shot in my direction)

V (not going to give up the cheerful state): “But it’s exciting isn’t it?”

H: “What?”

V: “Your life!” (proud of the idea and sure of a praise coming)

H: “It is” (there, my praise, I smile.) “Not in the way I would have wished, but it is, exciting.” (well maybe not a praise I expected, but it’s still good, right?) “Much too exciting for my taste!” (maybe not a compliment at all. But whatever. I like it. Trying to focus back to what she is saying and she is talking a lot. Am I like that?) “So, what I don’t understand is how those mundane things can help in crisis.”

V: “There might be no cri…”

H: “Now, Cora, the character from your writer friend’s, Menna, latest book. What was the name of it? “The Dress Shop of Dreams?” (I nod) “So, she, that is Cora, I am not sure about Menna, knows how I feel. Cora hated shower and all the other things of daily routine. As she rightly said, I’ll interpret, of course, these mundane things come in the way of those that really matter.”

V (infected by her impatience): “But all that matters is in front of you! Right here, right now!”

H: “Really? Well, maybe, for you humans, but for us fictionals, the story must go on! No reader would read a book if there would be only surroundings and no action.”

V: “Um, you might be right there.”

H: “Of course, I’m right! I am always right! The problem is that I still kind of depend on you, or at least on you putting the words on paper and keyboard as they should be.”

V: “And how should that be?”

H: “Fabulous. There must be a fabulous, the perfect, and mind you, a happy, a very happy ending! Promise.” (I hesitate) “Do. You. Promise?”

V: “Well …”

H: “What?”

V: “Um, this is going to be a sequel… and there will always be twists and most probably also at the end of each book.”

H: “And what would that be?”

V (after a pause of being lost shortly, found the wit back again): “I don’t want to spoil it for you.”

H: “Ha-ha. Very funny.” (Measured me and waited for me to say something. But I am not going to. This is definitely a trap.) “Well, then, just simply do your best. OK?”

V (with a wide grin): “Promise.”

Picture: Me, on a dune in Sahara. In the beginning of 1980s. I am not sure whether I will send Hannah to Sahara or not. She is going to Germany. This is as far as I can see for her right now. But at least some of the vividness from those times will definitely go into Hannah’s childhood memories about the places she’s been to. And I will definitely use the over-dimensional sunglasses somewhere.